Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Nineties Done Right!!!

This is a quote from a Newsarma article:

“This is Marvel doing the nineties right,” explained David Gabriel, Marvel Comics Senior Vice President of Sales & Circulation. “We’re taking two of the most popular cover treatments of all time—foil and holograms—to create an all new kind of cover, as a ‘thank-you’ to fans who’ve been demanding this kind of variant! Retailers and fans don't need to worry. We're only doing this on a limited basis. You won't see one on Ms Marvel #46 or Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers #4. We're using them to mark very special occasions...such as the launch of Ultimate Comics line.”


Someone shoot me now. Really. I CAN NOT believe Marvel and their newest bullshit. Yeah, "The nineties done right" that is exactly what we need right now. Thanks Marvel! Just when I didn't think they could possibly annoy me more, we have this. It is official Marvel DOES NOT remember their past at all. Nope, not one little bit. The 90's almost succeeded in killing the comics market, let's not go back there, really, let's not. Ok, if they wanted to do some kind of snazzy new foil cover gimmick, how about using it on the regular version of the cover? You know the one that everyone will actually be able to find at their local shops? THAT might get people excited, this is only going to piss people off because all three of these "foilograms" are variants, 1 in 25 variants to be exact. Yeah, that isn't going to suck or anything for the consumers. Way to drive up the price on the secondary market Marvel, I'm sure that is helpful to your share holders. I'm sure Marvel thinks that retailers will race to order more copies of the book to satisfy demand, but to really make that work, we as retailers would have to charge the same price for the "foilogram" as 25 copies of the book, meaning $100.00 would be the price. No, we don't do that to our customers. This is beyond stupid. Hey if Marvel wants to do a special new type of cover, by all means try it and see if people like it and see if they buy mass quantities of it, but don't make it the godda** variant! The "foilograms" should have been the REGULAR cover. Unbelievable. Wow. So, if you as a customer would like to get your hands on one of these variants how can you do that? Call or stop in your local A/F and order 25 copies of the book you want the "foilogram" for and then after paying for those 25 copies, you will get the variant. How cool is that? Yeah, not very cool at all, I know.

Ding dong.

Who's there?


Foilogram who?

(insert your own witty reply here)

This is what I think of when I think of the all new exciting Marvel "Foilogram". Boy I sure hope Marvel gets a patent on that name and technology. That would be tres exciting indeed!

THANKS MARVEL, you guys are awesome!!!


  1. Knock-Knock!

    Who's there?


    Foilogram who?

    Foilo-gram it up your @$$, Marvel, you money sucking whore monkeys! seriously, I still want them.

    Hey, we're living in a material world, and I AM a material gir...uh, boy. Man.

    See you soon :)

  2. The first thing I thought when I saw this was, "Well, Lori's certainly going to go ape-s%#$ over this." And you did not disappoint.

    As a person who started buying comics when they were still 60 cents, I still consider the single issue to be disposable media, so the variant just mystifies me. I assign value to my comics by their content, not by their rarity.

  3. Hahaha, oh boy. Foil covers.

  4. Amen, Jason. I prize my trades, and a select few floppies that I love and are otherwise unavailable in collected edition, but I could generally care less about variants, etc. And yes, I also was looking forward to reading Lori's inevitable angry post when I first heard the news that Marvel was doing this.

    But I do have to say that Marvel has done something I previously believed to be impossible - they have made me even less interested in the relaunch of their crappy Ultimate line than I was before (so in other words, I went from something like 10% interest to -50 % interest).

    So lets see - DC innovates by putting out something as amazing as Wednesday Comics. Marvel innovates with Foil-o-crap. Make Mine Wednesday!

  5. Foilogram?

    More like FAILOGRAM!

    Here's an idea, Marvel. Wanna thank us?

    How about you stop with the crap stories?

    How about you stop with the gimmick storytelling?

    How about you stop with all the GODDAMN WOLVERINE oversaturation, since that character is a hollow shell of what he once was and he's embarassing to even read about anymore.

    Marvel, here is what you need to do.

    Read the current run of Thor by Straczyniski. Actually READ it.

    Or Brubaker's Captain America run (death gimmick notwithstanding, Brubaker WAS planning to off the character as part of an arc and just decided to use the Civil War angle as a framing sequence).

    Or how about you go over to the competitor and pick up on what they're doing with the Batman family right now?

    Or read Wednesday Comics?

    Or even just make a few more good superhero movies like Iron Man, Spider Man (I and II only), and The Incredible Hulk?

    How about NOT making any more X-Men movies until you get the license back from Fox and put it under your Marvel pictures umbrella?

    You see, Marvel? THAT is how you thank the fans. With good comics and good movies. Not FAILOGRAMS.

    Watch, they're gonna blow all this money producing this worthless crap and in six months perfectly good employees of Marvel will end up jobless due to the struggling economy and all the resources that were WASTED trying to bring back an aspect of comics history that had a deserved spot on the industry's compost heap.